Someone I loved so much regarded me as EX now in his blog and even link the the two alphabet EX to my blog.
Hurt.
Though I'm really his EX
But the word EX sounds so cruel.
But what ever is it. I am leading to a better life. More things awaiting me in the future.
I love him, but sometimes is not worth the love.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Chapter 2 - Hard times in My Life
Continue from previous post "Where are you when I need you?"
Saturday Morning, woke up with pain still in my body. Can hardly sleep. Wake up and thought that he will be accompanying me that day because is a weekend.
I saw him getting dress up so smartly and I wonder is he going out again?Yes, he's going out again. He's going for moral community service at Prima Selayang.
" Alryt, is something he have to go, he's coming back soon to see me." I told myself. Then he told me, "I am going to Bon Odori after the community service."My heart sunk . I asked him what time are you coming back?He's not sure.
Bon Odori is event held till night time, he will definitely be back only late night. I've been there before. Was really hoping he will accompany me that day since that's the only day we don't have any classes. I try to hint him, telling him that if you go, you can only be back here around 11pm something. But he said "I feel like going, is my first time going". Ok I said.
Afternoon, stuck in my hostel, lying on my bed with body still aching, I was thinking of Him. I miss him so badly, wished he was right beside me. I send him random messages ," How are you doing now?", "I miss you", "I love you". Just to show him I really miss him.
Lunch time. I asked Yi Bei to buy me lunch from Medan. I tried to eat although I don't have any appetite. I tried so hard to shallow the food but the taste is simply awful. I can barely eat two spoonful of rice. After that, I just return back to my bed and lied down.
Sleeping now is very tough for me. I couldnt sleep. I was turning here and turning there in my bed. Keep changing my sleeping position .Even my housemate and roommate kept asking me" Are you alryt? Do you want me to contact him for you?" I told them He's busy, is ok.
Waiting so hard for the time to pass second by second, looking at my watch, waiting patiently for him. Was hoping He can make it in time to see me before my family bring me back to Melaka again.
I kept starring at my handphone, waiting for his messages, his calls. Never once I left my phone away from me. If anytime he's thinking of me, I will be very happy. At least he thought of me when he's out there. He still care for me I thought.
7pm. He's back! So glad to see him.Feel like hugging him thightly in my shoulders. Thought he decided not to go Bon Odori. Then, he told me, I'm back for a while to see you. I'll have to go in a moment,my friends are waiting for me to go Bon Odori. Again, is like a heavy stone being thrown to me in my heart. But, I didnt tell him the truth, I just said " Alryt, you go la, since is your first time, enjoy." He left after a while. I'm still there in my bed,,just more pain. That's the last time I meet him as my boyfriend.
10.30pm. He called me."I'm reaching soon" I told him " my mom is here, I'm going back.I got to leave already." He said" I'm about to reach." Too bad, My parents couldnt stay any longer.I'm on my car and we left. He didnt make it on time to see me.
Monday morning, went clinic with mom. Doctor took my blood for blood test.
Monday afternoon, blood test result is out. Doctor called my mom. He asked my mom to bring me to the hospital straight away. He said my blood platelets level is very critical. Is too low. If I delay any longer, I will put my life on risk.
Monday late afternoon, Mom packed my stuff, took my test report and left to Pantai Medical Centre. Went to see a specialist, admitted into ward immediately.Doctor meight my body.I'm shocked to see my body weight drop 7kgs in 7 days. That day till that time, I didnt recieve any message from him. Guess he's busy in class.
Lunch time, nurse came in. Took my blood for a detailed test. She will have to poke twice to get blood from my body. Once behind my palm and another time between my upper arm and lower arm. Cottons used to stop further bleeding at injection areas at my body is soaked with my blood. It's so scary to see how the white cotton became so red in colour. My blood couldn't clot.
My body is dehydrated, sodium chloride is being injected into my body slowly. A needle is poked behind my palm into my vessel. A narrow pipe is connected to the needle in my hand to transfer sodium chloride solution into my body. I will have to take it until I am allowed to discharge. They hang the solution using a movable tripod. I would have to carry it where ever I go, even to the toilet. I cant bath either. I can only lie on my bed.
Sodium Chloride that prevents me from dehydration.
He's here when I'm...
Saturday Morning, woke up with pain still in my body. Can hardly sleep. Wake up and thought that he will be accompanying me that day because is a weekend.
I saw him getting dress up so smartly and I wonder is he going out again?Yes, he's going out again. He's going for moral community service at Prima Selayang.
" Alryt, is something he have to go, he's coming back soon to see me." I told myself. Then he told me, "I am going to Bon Odori after the community service."My heart sunk . I asked him what time are you coming back?He's not sure.
Bon Odori is event held till night time, he will definitely be back only late night. I've been there before. Was really hoping he will accompany me that day since that's the only day we don't have any classes. I try to hint him, telling him that if you go, you can only be back here around 11pm something. But he said "I feel like going, is my first time going". Ok I said.
Afternoon, stuck in my hostel, lying on my bed with body still aching, I was thinking of Him. I miss him so badly, wished he was right beside me. I send him random messages ," How are you doing now?", "I miss you", "I love you". Just to show him I really miss him.
Lunch time. I asked Yi Bei to buy me lunch from Medan. I tried to eat although I don't have any appetite. I tried so hard to shallow the food but the taste is simply awful. I can barely eat two spoonful of rice. After that, I just return back to my bed and lied down.
Sleeping now is very tough for me. I couldnt sleep. I was turning here and turning there in my bed. Keep changing my sleeping position .Even my housemate and roommate kept asking me" Are you alryt? Do you want me to contact him for you?" I told them He's busy, is ok.
Waiting so hard for the time to pass second by second, looking at my watch, waiting patiently for him. Was hoping He can make it in time to see me before my family bring me back to Melaka again.
I kept starring at my handphone, waiting for his messages, his calls. Never once I left my phone away from me. If anytime he's thinking of me, I will be very happy. At least he thought of me when he's out there. He still care for me I thought.
7pm. He's back! So glad to see him.Feel like hugging him thightly in my shoulders. Thought he decided not to go Bon Odori. Then, he told me, I'm back for a while to see you. I'll have to go in a moment,my friends are waiting for me to go Bon Odori. Again, is like a heavy stone being thrown to me in my heart. But, I didnt tell him the truth, I just said " Alryt, you go la, since is your first time, enjoy." He left after a while. I'm still there in my bed,,just more pain. That's the last time I meet him as my boyfriend.
10.30pm. He called me."I'm reaching soon" I told him " my mom is here, I'm going back.I got to leave already." He said" I'm about to reach." Too bad, My parents couldnt stay any longer.I'm on my car and we left. He didnt make it on time to see me.
Monday morning, went clinic with mom. Doctor took my blood for blood test.
Monday afternoon, blood test result is out. Doctor called my mom. He asked my mom to bring me to the hospital straight away. He said my blood platelets level is very critical. Is too low. If I delay any longer, I will put my life on risk.
Monday late afternoon, Mom packed my stuff, took my test report and left to Pantai Medical Centre. Went to see a specialist, admitted into ward immediately.Doctor meight my body.I'm shocked to see my body weight drop 7kgs in 7 days. That day till that time, I didnt recieve any message from him. Guess he's busy in class.
Lunch time, nurse came in. Took my blood for a detailed test. She will have to poke twice to get blood from my body. Once behind my palm and another time between my upper arm and lower arm. Cottons used to stop further bleeding at injection areas at my body is soaked with my blood. It's so scary to see how the white cotton became so red in colour. My blood couldn't clot.
My body is dehydrated, sodium chloride is being injected into my body slowly. A needle is poked behind my palm into my vessel. A narrow pipe is connected to the needle in my hand to transfer sodium chloride solution into my body. I will have to take it until I am allowed to discharge. They hang the solution using a movable tripod. I would have to carry it where ever I go, even to the toilet. I cant bath either. I can only lie on my bed.
Sodium Chloride that prevents me from dehydration.
6pm. Finally I get a message from Aaron. I've waited for long. I opened the message and My heart sunk again. " I'm going for a football match." He sent. Thought he'll be asking whether I'm feeling better ? I am simply speechless. Tears fall from my eyes that very moment.
He's here when I'm...
here...
To be continue...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
New Friends...
Shall continue with my older post soon when I got the mood...
Well, been really grateful to know a lot of friends nowadays, especially when they are all hostiles. We hang out a lot this few days. Really enjoy going out with them. I feel no discrimination at all!!!
Albert, Dominic and Celene, thanks for being so friendly!
Well, been really grateful to know a lot of friends nowadays, especially when they are all hostiles. We hang out a lot this few days. Really enjoy going out with them. I feel no discrimination at all!!!
Albert, Dominic and Celene, thanks for being so friendly!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Where are you every second I'm suffering?
Where are you when I need you?
This is the question that had been circulating in my head for two weeks." Where is him when I need him badly?"
Was suffered from Dengue fever for previous two weeks. Something that could have taken my life away. This is the moment when I need family and Him to be right beside me.
Monday afternoon, my back ache suddenly and I feel so cold in class. Yet, I had no choice but to continue my class till 6.15pm. I wrapped myself in three layers of jackets and couldnt even sit straight in class. Was trying so hard to concentrate but I failed, the pain is simply unbearable.
Monday night, went back to hostel immediately after class. Drop dead in my bed immediately. Thought it was just a normal fever but heck the my temperature increase significantly when I woke up. Took panadols but nothing seems to improved. My back is getting worst and I can feel that my body is getting weak. Couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, couldnt concentrate on studies.
Tuesday morning, wake up with fever still on. Went to Sick Bay with Aaron for a check-up. My temperature is so high it might cause brain damage. The nurse asked me to return back to hostel and get a quick shower to lower down my temperature. Later on, I notice I no longer have the strenght to even stand, lost my appetite, what ever that I eat taste awful! Lying in bed with my back aching and my head felt 10 times heavier, I really need my mom badly. He's in class. I'm suffering, really suffering, really pain.
Tuesday evening, went to SUC with Kim. Went to emergency department to see doctor to find out what really went wrong with my body. Cost my RM69 for panadols, flu medicine and cough syrup. Doctor couldnt identify what's wrong. Back to hostel with the same condition. Pain.
Tuesday night, He came, Cooked porridge for me. Put wet cloth on my forehead. And, left because there's nothing much he can do. Sleep for one hour and a half, wake up with my fever getting worst! He urged my brother to come quickly to bring me to Subang Jaya Hospital. Same opinion from doctor. My pain is still there. Mom came down to Sunway, picked me back to Melaka after that.
Wednesday, Thursday, fever is still on.Didnt hear much from him. Guess he is busy. But I couldnt afford to miss so many classes and the Prom.I know He was hoping I can attend. Decided to go back to campus on Thursday night. Still weak.
Friday morning, attended one hour of class. Couldnt concentrate and hence have to go back to hostel. Sleep for three hours. Shallowed 4 tablets of panadol to hold my pain. Was hoping that I am able to go to Prom with Him.
Friday night, Prom night. Went to Prom with Him. Took along my panadols with me just in case. Reached. People taking photos everywhere. Photo session is so long. I started to feel pain in my back. Need a seat badly but ball room is not ready yet. Wanted to shallow another two panadols, but heck I bring the wrong medicine. Holding my pain with smile on my face, people didnt notice I am so painful. Later on,He asked "Can you don't show me your sad face?" My heart sunk at that moment. I told Him, I'm simply weak. Went to bathroom, thank JY Female and Cheryl for their sincere help with my make-up. I need make up to cover my pale face. I couldnt stand long, my back starts aching again, Cheryl had to hold me. I'm weak. Seriously weak. But, did He know?
After Prom, MOS. I noticed I forget to bring my ID. His anger expression shows immediately. Didnt expect that to happened. He's frusfrated. All I can do now is call my brother up and picked me back to hostel. I left MOS. He entered. Back to hostel, get changed, and drop on my bed immediately. Too weak to stand any longer. Couldnt sleep well, was waiting for his call every second. Hope that he will come back to see me. But I'm just too innocent.
2.15am, He called. He finished his clubbing session.
To Be Continue.
This is the question that had been circulating in my head for two weeks." Where is him when I need him badly?"
Was suffered from Dengue fever for previous two weeks. Something that could have taken my life away. This is the moment when I need family and Him to be right beside me.
Monday afternoon, my back ache suddenly and I feel so cold in class. Yet, I had no choice but to continue my class till 6.15pm. I wrapped myself in three layers of jackets and couldnt even sit straight in class. Was trying so hard to concentrate but I failed, the pain is simply unbearable.
Monday night, went back to hostel immediately after class. Drop dead in my bed immediately. Thought it was just a normal fever but heck the my temperature increase significantly when I woke up. Took panadols but nothing seems to improved. My back is getting worst and I can feel that my body is getting weak. Couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, couldnt concentrate on studies.
Tuesday morning, wake up with fever still on. Went to Sick Bay with Aaron for a check-up. My temperature is so high it might cause brain damage. The nurse asked me to return back to hostel and get a quick shower to lower down my temperature. Later on, I notice I no longer have the strenght to even stand, lost my appetite, what ever that I eat taste awful! Lying in bed with my back aching and my head felt 10 times heavier, I really need my mom badly. He's in class. I'm suffering, really suffering, really pain.
Tuesday evening, went to SUC with Kim. Went to emergency department to see doctor to find out what really went wrong with my body. Cost my RM69 for panadols, flu medicine and cough syrup. Doctor couldnt identify what's wrong. Back to hostel with the same condition. Pain.
Tuesday night, He came, Cooked porridge for me. Put wet cloth on my forehead. And, left because there's nothing much he can do. Sleep for one hour and a half, wake up with my fever getting worst! He urged my brother to come quickly to bring me to Subang Jaya Hospital. Same opinion from doctor. My pain is still there. Mom came down to Sunway, picked me back to Melaka after that.
Wednesday, Thursday, fever is still on.Didnt hear much from him. Guess he is busy. But I couldnt afford to miss so many classes and the Prom.I know He was hoping I can attend. Decided to go back to campus on Thursday night. Still weak.
Friday morning, attended one hour of class. Couldnt concentrate and hence have to go back to hostel. Sleep for three hours. Shallowed 4 tablets of panadol to hold my pain. Was hoping that I am able to go to Prom with Him.
Friday night, Prom night. Went to Prom with Him. Took along my panadols with me just in case. Reached. People taking photos everywhere. Photo session is so long. I started to feel pain in my back. Need a seat badly but ball room is not ready yet. Wanted to shallow another two panadols, but heck I bring the wrong medicine. Holding my pain with smile on my face, people didnt notice I am so painful. Later on,He asked "Can you don't show me your sad face?" My heart sunk at that moment. I told Him, I'm simply weak. Went to bathroom, thank JY Female and Cheryl for their sincere help with my make-up. I need make up to cover my pale face. I couldnt stand long, my back starts aching again, Cheryl had to hold me. I'm weak. Seriously weak. But, did He know?
After Prom, MOS. I noticed I forget to bring my ID. His anger expression shows immediately. Didnt expect that to happened. He's frusfrated. All I can do now is call my brother up and picked me back to hostel. I left MOS. He entered. Back to hostel, get changed, and drop on my bed immediately. Too weak to stand any longer. Couldnt sleep well, was waiting for his call every second. Hope that he will come back to see me. But I'm just too innocent.
2.15am, He called. He finished his clubbing session.
To Be Continue.
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